INTACTIVISM/CIRCUMCISION

[Pat]

Discussion, references, inquiries, etc.

[Joette]

I have 2 boys who are not circumcized, they are 4 and 5. We have not had any problems. When I did my research on this I couldn't come up with any good reason to cut off part of their penis. The penis was made to have foreskin, why do we cut it off? Circumcizing them out of fear or because that is what other people do was not good enough for me. Research does not support circumcision.

I did not leave the decision up to my husband, we are parenting together and we make major decisions together. Just because he has a penis does not mean he gets to make the decision. They are my children too. He does not believe in circumcision either, even though he is circumcized.

Before I had children, I witnessed 5 hospital circumcisions. I stated from that moment on if I had boys they would not be circumcized.

Thanks for all of the links, Pat. That will be a great resource.

Joette

[Pat]

I too saw and attended a circumcision as a young nurse. I swore then that I would NEVER allow that to be done to a child born of me. When we found out that our child was a boy, the very first words out of my mouth were "Please do not circumcise him.", in a pleading voice. To me, it was so important that that not be done to our son. Thankfully, my husband was able to hear my angst. Scott is circ'd and it totally never has been an issue of "looking like Daddy". Besides Erik is blond and blue eyed, and Scott has dark brown hair and brown eyes. LOL


Pat

[Gretchen]

Usually, chronic problems come from it not being taken care of correctly, not because the penis is left intact. Unfortunately, a lot of the medical community still think that the foreskin should be retracted and cleaned. ***shudder*** If they'd just leave them alone, they'd be fine!

[Karen Shattuck]

My son is 8. I was ignorant and never thought about it before I had it done to him.
I know so much now and I have such guilt!
But hey you can only do the best you can with what you know.
He also was vaccinated. More Guilt.
I will get over the guilt and I am determined to educate my self about everything.
I use to be so main stream and now I just can't do it all just b/c that is what I am suppose to do .
Or that is what everyone is doing.
If my Girl had been a boy she was not going to circed and she did not get any vaccines. I learned so much in the 6 years between thier briths. It was like I was 2 different people.

They best you can do is to read and find out as much as you can and do what feels right for your Family. Who cares what the ladies at work think!! :-) There are a lot of great articles out there. If I were you I would find some articles on the function fo the foreskin (and other info) and leave them some where that your hubby might pick up and read. I bet that he will see that there are some reasons to discuss it further!

[Kristen Jorgensen]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Meredith's story made me think about when I lived in the Philippines and the boys there all get it done when they're 8. It's quite a right of passage. It's actually something they're quite proud of. I remember walking into a family's house and the boy was walking around quite publically actually with his shorts stuffed with ice. When I asked why, they were very open about it. Here in the U.S. it's kind of considered such a travesty if boys need to have it done later on. But I gotta say that I agree with Pat that I didn't feel like it was my decision to make for my ds. Unfortunately with my ds#1 I left the decision up to dh. I remember really not liking that it was being done but my dh's "locker room" story trumped anything and he wanted his son to look like him.

The 2nd time around I was much more informed. We didn't know if we were having a boy or girl and I kept handing dh articles and research and bringing the topic up and finally he just said, "OK, I'll leave the decision up to you." I remember fretting about it and the whole thing about having two boys who were "different" from each other but ultimately I decided to not have ds#2 circ'd and as soon as I made the official decision I felt so good about it and my decision has been confirmed so many times over since then. If he chooses to be circ'd later on then I will of course talk indepthly about it with him first but ultimately I will completely support him in his decision if he chooses to.

[Pat]

Kristen, I believe it must be especially hard to "change your mind", and not circumcise the second son. In my mind, I'd struggle with 'How do I "explain" circumcising the first son, but not both?' That would be such a difficult task to process emotionally, I would think.

I'm awed at your ability to put aside any fears about having to address that with them both. Taking yourself and your attachments/ego out of the equation sounds more challenging than most folks could choose. Similarly, I think it is difficult for a man to take himself out of the equation when he wants "his" son to "look like me". There are so many challenges to reframing the decision out of the "hands" of the parent, and into the hands of the person whose body it is. Those cultural mores are deeper and perhaps symbolic of parental authority in our culture.

Thank you for sharing your journey. I believe that sharing your experience will help folks who can't imagine choosing for their boys to "look different". The irony is that our children do look different in such public and obvious ways. How relevant is it for them to 'look the same' in ways which are private? Most moms I've met with more than one child always exclaim how different her two children are in personality, traits, characteristics, likes, dislikes, sleep habits, play habits, etc.

I wonder how much of our "sexualized" culture impacts the "conformity" desires. Women from a very young age are "expected" to look "pretty"; boys are "expected" to "not cry". Some of that gender culturalization and our sexualization of girls at a young age is being questioned. But, circumcizing is such a tradition (especially if it was done to you), overcoming those cultural "mandates", especially for parents who were brought up in conformist environments of school, is more than many could ignore, I believe.


Pat

[Cara Yara]

I'm so glad we did not have a boy until #4. Starting out as clueless new parents with our first child, we were on the fence about circumcision. But we had a girl and were so glad we didn't have to make that decision. As we learned more and grew as parents, we felt that circumcision was not for our children. With each subsequent pregnancy our feelings got stronger. By the time we had Kodi, there was no question.

It has been funny getting used to having a child with penis to begin with and then neither my husband nor I know what to do with an uncirc'd penis, so it's even stranger. But we are letting it be and figuring that our bodies are made that way for a reason.

Oh, and we were concerned about how our families would receive the fact that he is uncirc'd. My parents had no issue at all since my grandparents were Irish immigrants that did not circ. Even still, they circ'd my brother because of the "locker room" issue. My husband's family didn't outright question us, but when his aunt (who was a nurse) brought it up, his mom and other aunt jumped at the chance to ask us why. Luckily his (nurse) aunt is actually against circumcision after witnessing so many. So we were very happy she happened to be there when the topic was brought up, we didn't even have to say much at all. She even quoted research and supported any facts we stated. It was awesome. :)

I may post on here in the future with questions about care or if problems crop up, but so far so good.

Cara